A Little Humor

Us Recruiter types get unintended cover letters and resumes all too often. This, however, was an outright attempt to be funny and succeeded. This was a response to an ad posting for a job at a university.  I've been told that they were laughing so much they actually contacted him for an interview! 

His degree: creative writing. Enjoy this very real cover letter.

Subject: Campus Representative / Financial Aid Counselor

Dear Sir/Madam:

I saw your advertisement looking for a Campus Representative / Financial Aid Counselor and I am very interested in finding out more about the position.

I'm not sure I have the education and the experience required for the job, but I think there are more important qualities to look for in a potential employee.  Coincidentally, I happen to possess these attributes and have taken the liberty of enumerating them for you. 

1.  People tend to like me.  Why?  I am not really sure.  It could be my cherubic disposition or my devilish good looks.  It's a puzzle that's liable to stymie philosophers for centuries to come.

2.  I am intelligent.  My mind is like a razor slicing through data with surgical precision.  No, it's like a sponge soaking up every sight, sound and texture. Actually, I guess it's more like steel wool, which is very effective in its own right. 

3.  I am a disciplined worker.   My mother never mentally left the Corp and she felt the need to pass her Marine training on to me and my brothers.  I still have flashbacks. 

4.  I am honest.  I wet my bed until I was eight years old.  See?  Honesty is even more important than my dignity.  

5.  I have excellent hygiene.  

With nine FAFSA applications behind me and nearly $50,000 in student loans, I would be an excellent financial aid counselor as well.  If you fail to follow that logic, then consider how the federal government pays ex-cocaine addicts to show up at high schools and counsel the students.  If it's good enough for that great bastion of reason known as Uncle Sam, then I am hoping it is good enough for you.   

Well, I hope I have persuaded you into granting me an interview.  If so, I can be reached Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. at the numbers below. 

However, if my impeccable (albeit sparse) resume has failed to lure you into a hiring frenzy, then I suppose I can forgive you.  Either way, you better decide quickly as I am considering several lucrative offers from some of the finest plasma donation centers in the region. 

Thank you.

Sincerely,

(name has been removed)